I struggle with deciding what I am meant to do with my life. I feel like I am supposed to have one thing that just calls my name loud and clear and I will be passionate about it and never have any doubts or regrets. I know that that is not actually the case- most people don’t find their passion and pursue it as a career, but I still want it. The people who know their passions are so lucky- but they are mutants. So rare to find. I feel like I have looked everywhere trying to find something that I love- but I just haven’t found anything that I am 100% in love with.
I know I like health-care- but do I really? Or do I just like the idea of health-care and the great salary? I know that I want to be a mom- in fact, that is the only one thing I am certain of. I want to have kids and raise them. But what will I do when they get older? I know I will be bored staying at home all the time. I have too much of an urge to have a purpose and something to do all the time. I love the idea of opening and owning a business- specifically a cafe- but I have no idea how to do that or where to even start, plus the fact that most small businesses fail and there are already so many cafes.
I write this as I sit in my study room at the library, 3 hrs away from taking a microbiology test. This morning I found out that the school that I wanted to attend for PA school is already waitlisting people and I haven’t even been contacted about an interview. WHICH, by the way- sucks. The CASPA is a dreadful process and I have had the worst time with it. I submitted my application the day the application process opened and was told everything was good- only to find out that it wasn’t in several ways. This caused the schools that I applied to not to receive my applications until ~now. Thus I haven’t even had the opportunity to be considered for a seat. I also am taking Organic Chemistry and Microbiology this summer solely in case I were to get into this program. So now I sit here studying for a test that I still need to do well on bc it is past drop period and I need to keep my GPA up- but I no longer need this class. The worst.
So this whole debacle has me thinking about what I really want to do with my life- because I honestly have no clue. And the uncertainty kills me. I want to be successful and enjoy work (you know how they say, love what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life) but how is this possible when I don’t even know what I really enjoy. I am tired of being in school (going on 6 yrs now) with nothing to show for it besides a piece of paper that says “bachelors degree with honors”- but this piece of paper doesn’t do much for me. I still don’t know what I want or who I am. I don’t even know where we will end up living or anything.
Going to end this post with the same uncertainty I started it with. but that’s okay… I don’t think I will ever figure my life out.
Wild Types: Cells that are “normal” and found in nature
Mutants: Descendents of a cell that does not successfully repair a mutation
Alisa
Alisa's Daily 